Do Lesbians Need Strap Ons?

Do We Really Need Strap Ons in Bed?

Hi, I’m Bridge—plus size, and proudly lesbian. And today, we’re gonna have one of those honest, no-shame convos: Do we need to use strap on to have sex?

If you’re expecting a clear “yes” or “no,” you won’t get it here. Because the truth is, like a lot of things in queer sex, it depends. On your body. Your desires. Your partner. And what makes you both feel good.

Let’s unpack it together.

What Strap On Can Actually Do for Lesbian Sex

For me? “real lesbian sex” is two girls getting intimate in the bedroom. point blank period. Sometimes a strap on is the perfect bridge between fingers and deep, intense G-spot pleasure. I’ve been with girls who melt at the slightest clit touch and others who love to be flipped, held, and filled with something firm and steady.

One of my favorite friends said it best:

“That strap is diving deep and doing the work my fingers can’t do.”

Yup. That’s the magic. It’s not about replacing anything—it’s about expanding what’s possible.

A good strap on harness gives me the control, rhythm, and angle I sometimes need. With the right dual density dildo, it feels more natural, less like a toy and more like a shared sensation. And let’s be honest, being the one in control, watching your girl lose herself under you? It’s powerful. It’s beautiful.

 But Do All Lesbians Use Strap Ons?

Short answer? Nope. And that’s completely okay.

Some couples don’t use toys at all. Some stick to fingers, tongues, rubbing, and vibrations. One queer said:

“We don’t make it past my tongue anyway.”

And you know what? That’s real sex too. Lesbian sex isn’t defined by penetration. Lesbian sex is whatever we say it is. That might mean slow sensuality one night and a strap-on marathon the next.

There’s no wrong way to be intimate, as long as it’s with consent, care, and curiosity.

What Problems Can Strap Ons Solve in Lesbian Sex?

Here’s the deal. Some of us:

• Crave more fullness than fingers can give

• Want to explore switch or dom/sub dynamics

• Have partners who love deep G-spot stimulation

• Experience pleasure through giving (yes, tops get off too!)

The right lesbian sex toys can unlock new layers of intimacy, exploration, and fun. Not better, just different.

When I use my strap on harness, I’m not trying to mimic anything else. I’m expanding how we connect. Especially when I’m using a dildo that fits both my body and hers, it doesn’t feel like we’re adding something artificial—it feels like we’re adding more us.

The Joy of Options (and the Need for Comfort)

As a bigger girl, I’ve had my share of awkward moments with bad harnesses—ones that dug into my hips or made the dildo droop like sad tofu. It wasn’t until I found plus size strap on harnesses like Crassie’s SnugHer Boxer Harness that I realized how good things could feel when everything fits. Like, really fits.

If you’re just starting out, I recommend a beginner strap on kit. It usually includes a basic harness and a medium-sized dildo (not too big, not too small). Keep things slow, use lots of lube (like, more than you think), and communicate constantly.

 Post-Strap-On Care: The Not-So-Sexy but Totally Necessary Stuff

Clean your toys. Please. Every time.
Your strap on dildo, your harness, any bullet vibrators or attachments—clean them with mild soap or toy cleaner and dry them well.

Check for wear on harness straps. And if you share toys with different partners (or use them anally), use condoms or sanitize properly. A little effort = a lot less risk.

It’s All About You (and Her)

One of the most freeing things about lesbian sex is that it’s defined by us—not by rules or roles.

Some nights, we strap up. Other nights, we cuddle and laugh until we fall asleep. Neither is more valid. The truth is, a strap on is just a tool. A beautifully crafted, body-safe, pleasure-enhancing tool—but still just a tool. What matters most is connection.

“We enjoy it along with a lot of other activities. We don’t use it every time, but variety is a great thing.”

Exactly.

Try It, Love It, or Leave It. Just Be You.

You don’t need a strap-on to be queer. You don’t need penetration to have real sex. But if you want it—if it excites you, empowers you, connects you—then go for it. Find the harness that fits. The dildo that makes you both blush. Explore, laugh, mess up, and find your rhythm together.

And if you’re looking for toys made by people who actually get us? I’ll just say it: Crassie, do me a favor. Because they’re made by queer women. For queer women. With designs that understand our needs.

Let’s stop asking if lesbians need strap ons. Let’s ask, “Does this make us feel good?”

If yes, then babe—it’s exactly what you need.