How to Use a Strap On Harness Correctly

A friend of mine recently confessed something that confused her. She said:

“When I’m topping with a strap on, it feels like I’m being punched in the lower abdomen every time I thrust. I’ve even tried stuffing cloth between me and the toy, but nothing works. How does anyone else do this?”

If you encounter this problem, it is normal, especially for beginners who are just starting to try strap on. For many of us, the first few strap-on attempts feel more awkward than hot. Harnesses slide around, the dildo doesn’t sit right, and sometimes you walk away with more bruises than orgasms.

But here’s the good news: our community has plenty of wisdom on this. And once you learn how to wear a harness correctly, strap-on sex transforms from painful to powerful.

What the Community Says

I went digging through lesbian spaces like Reddit. There are many answers, but they can be summarized into several types:

• Harness too high. Some beginners wear the harness strapped across their stomach instead of their hips. The dildo ends up pressing into the abdomen instead of aligning with the clit. Some of the issues are due to the design of the harness, where the O-ring is positioned too high and the harness is not designed for us.

• DIY padding rarely helps. A folded cloth may cushion a little, but it doesn’t fix the real issue: positioning.

• Soft bases = comfort. A firm, flat dildo base can feel like concrete against your pubic bone. Squishy bases or grind-friendly add-ons not only ease discomfort but also provide stimulation.

• Double ended strap ons. If you’re open to penetration yourself, a strap-on-compatible double-ended dildo lets you enjoy the action, not just endure it.

• Some heterosexuals assume that quick, deep strokes are the secret to good strap-on sex. But we actually reach orgasm from friction and hip movement, not sheer speed.

  Grinding and rocking: pressing your hips into hers slowly and firmly, creating clitoral-to-clitoral pressure.

  Hip circles and twists: rolling your hips instead of just thrusting forward, which stimulates more nerve endings inside and outside.

  Angle play: shallow thrusts at the right angle often feel more intense than going deep and fast.

  As one queer put it:

  “The best strap on sex I ever had wasn’t about speed. She just ground against me and twisted her hips — and I came so hard I forgot my own name.”

How to Wear a Strap On Harness Correctly

Think of it like adjusting a backpack — too high or too loose and it’ll hurt. Get it right, and suddenly everything feels natural. Here’s the step-by-step guide:

1. Step into the harness. Most harnesses work like underwear or climbing gear. Step each leg into the straps, then pull it up to your hips.

2. Position the base low. The O-ring should sit just above your pubic bone, not on your stomach. This way, the dildo lines up with your clit instead of pressing into your abdomen.

3. Insert the dildo. Slide your dildo through the O-ring. If the harness has adjustable O-rings or snaps, make sure the fit is tight so the dildo doesn’t wobble.

4. Tighten the straps. Pull each side snugly against your hips and thighs. You want it tight enough that the toy doesn’t shift when you thrust, but not so tight that you can’t move or breathe.

5. Test the angle. Stand in front of a mirror or grind against a pillow to check that the dildo points naturally forward, not up into your stomach or down toward your knees.

6. Practice movement. Before jumping into sex, roll your hips, thrust slowly, and get used to how your body feels in the harness. Smooth, circular movements often feel more natural (and hotter) than straight jackhammer thrusts.

Harness comfort isn’t just about strapping it on — it’s about finding the sweet spot where your body feels supported, powerful, and turned on.

Why Crassie Harness Makes a Difference

Most harnesses are just straps and an O-ring — functional, but not designed with lesbian bodies in mind. But Crassie strap on harness has some unique designs:

• Built-in buffer: A large pocket sits right behind the O-ring, acting as a cushion between your body and the dildo. No more feeling like you’re being punched in the pelvis.

• Dual pleasure pockets: Two smaller side pockets are made for bullet vibrators. That means while you’re thrusting, you also get clitoral and pelvic vibrations — turning topping into an equally arousing experience.

• Secure, body-friendly fit: The jock-style straps hug the hips and thighs, keeping the toy in place during rough or tender play, without sliding up into your stomach.

• Adjustable waistband: Designed for queers who struggle with sizing, the waistband adjusts easily for a wide range of fits — no digging, no awkward slipping.

• Inclusive sizing: Available in sizes from XS to 3XL, the Crassie Harness embraces plus-sized queers and ensures that comfort and pleasure are never limited by body type.

In short: this isn’t just a harness. It’s a comfort system that makes strap-on sex pleasurable for the top and bottom.

Pair it with toys like the Viva Vibrating Dildo (for padding + vibration) or the Rose Bendable Dildo Kit (for adjustable angles), and you’ve got a setup that works with your body, not against it.

Here are some of the most relatable insights shared by queers figuring out strap ons:

• “I used to think strap ons were just painful until I realized I was wearing mine way too high. Once I lowered it to my hips, the discomfort disappeared.”

• “The first time I tried a squishy base dildo, I finally understood why people loved strap-ons. Grinding felt good instead of bruising.”

• “Adding a bullet vibe to the harness pockets? Topping went from tiring to thrilling.”

• “Double-ended dildos gave me the freedom to enjoy penetration too. Suddenly strap-on sex felt mutual, not one-sided.”

• “The right harness fit was everything. Instead of fighting with the toy, I was focused on my partner’s moans.”

Strap Ons Should Feel Good for Both of You

Strap-ons aren’t about powering through discomfort. They’re about intimacy, connection, and finding what makes both partners moan instead of wince.

So next time you buckle up, remember: lower the harness, check your angles, and don’t be afraid to choose toys designed with comfort in mind.

Because when you do, strap-on sex stops feeling like work — and starts feeling like art. 

 Explore Crassie’s lesbian harnesses and toys to find your perfect fit.