Is It Normal for Lesbians to Fantasize About Having a Penis?

A post recently struck a chord. A cis lesbian woman, fully comfortable as a woman and only attracted to women, admitted something:

“I find the idea of me having a dick unbelievably hot. I don’t want men, I don’t want to be a man — but when I’m with a woman, imagining myself with a dick feels powerful, erotic, and just right.”

What happened next? Hundreds of comments from other lesbians saying: “Same here!”, “You’re not weird at all.”

This isn’t a rare, fringe thought. It’s a shared erotic experience across the lesbian community. And it doesn’t make you any less of a lesbian.

Why We Fantasize About Having a Dick

Lesbian sex has never been confined to rigid rules. We’ve always been experts in creating our own erotic scripts. Our sexuality is imaginative, expansive, and playful. We imagine ourselves with a penis — or even feeling like we have one during sex — is not unusual. In fact, neuroscience and queer theory both suggest it’s more common than we realize.

1. Neuroscience & the Phantom Limb Effect

Neurology has long documented the phantom limb phenomenon, where amputees feel a missing arm, leg — or even penis — as though it’s still there.

This happens because the brain retains a neural body map — the part doesn’t need to physically exist for us to feel it. This suggests that imagining a penis during sex is the brain’s way of extending that body map into fantasy and arousal. For some queers, “having” a dick during sex flips dynamics, offering a sense of control, dominance, or simply a new way of connecting.

2. Embodiment in Queer Intimacy

When we use strap ons, or even just imagine penetration, many report the toy or fantasy feels like an extension of their own body.

• In one hermeneutic inquiry into strap-on use, researchers found lesbians described the dildo as becoming part of them, blurring the line between object and body.

• Online communities echo this:

  “Sometimes I feel a dick when I don’t actually have one; it’s like a phantom dick.”
  “Wearing a strap on, I swear my brain tricks me into thinking it’s attached.”

This isn’t imagination in a shallow sense — it’s embodiment, where the brain incorporates an object (or idea) into the felt sense of self. Wearing a strap-on often feels like an extension of your body. Neuroscience even shows that people can experience “phantom limb” sensations, where the strap starts to feel real.

3. Queer Psychoanalysis & Body Image

Queer psychoanalyst Patricia Gherovici has written about the “phantom penis” not just in trans communities, but also in cis queer people. It reveals how desire, fantasy, and embodiment often cross the boundaries of physical reality.

Similarly, philosopher Chris Straayer and scholar S. J. Langer describe how people can experience a phantom gendered body image — a neurological and psychological impression of having genitals that aren’t physically there, especially during moments of heightened intimacy. Watching dick-only porn doesn’t mean desiring men. For many lesbians, it’s about imagining that penis as theirs during sex.

4. Fantastical Projection — Where Mind Meets Body

Fantasy is powerful. For many sisters, imagining having a dick during sex doesn’t mean wanting to be a man — it means wanting to feel the erotic energy of penetration as if it were directly theirs. Unlike hetero scripts, our intimacy thrives on creativity. We’re not bound to “this means that.” Having a dick in fantasy doesn’t equal being a man, just like using a strap-on doesn’t equal straight sex.

Some even describe being turned on by watching solo male porn without faces — not out of attraction to men, but because they project themselves into that body part. It’s the brain’s way of saying: “That’s me.”

Why It Feels So Real

Does It Make You Less of a Lesbian?

Absolutely not.

Being turned on by the idea of you having a dick in no way invalidates your lesbian identity. You’re still only attracted to women — your fantasy is simply about extending how you experience intimacy.

Many lesbians describe this as one of the hottest parts of queer sex — being able to imagine new possibilities of embodiment without it changing who they are.

If you’ve ever thought, “Am I weird for fantasizing about having a dick?” the answer is: you’re not weird, you’re queer.

Your fantasy is a mix of neuroscience, embodiment, and erotic imagination that countless lesbians share. It doesn’t make you less of a woman, and it doesn’t make you any less of a lesbian. In fact, it’s a uniquely lesbian way of expanding intimacy beyond what straight culture ever taught us to imagine.

Community Voices: “You’re Not Alone”

From Reddit and beyond, here are the kinds of affirmations lesbians are sharing:

• “I love women, period. But when I’m strapped up, I swear my brain tells me it’s actually me.”

• “I get turned on imagining myself penetrating — not because I want to be a guy, but because I want to experience sex in that way.”

• “Strapping makes me feel powerful and connected. Sometimes I forget it’s silicone, it just feels like me.”

When dozens — even hundreds — of lesbians echo the same experience, we can stop asking “Is this normal?” and start saying, “This is us.”

Tools for Exploring This Fantasy (Safely & Joyfully)

For beginners who want to lean into this embodiment safely, here’s how to explore:

• Strap on harnesses: A boxer harness like Crassie’s Prideher lets you slip in a dildo and instantly embody the fantasy without complicated straps. It feels natural, wearable, and affirming.

• Non-realistic dildos: Many lesbians dislike hyper-realistic styles. Go for body-safe platinum silicone toys with bold colors and smooth shapes — they embody power without mimicking men.

• Mirror play: Seeing yourself strapped can heighten arousal, turning fantasy into felt reality.

• Protective practices: Always use body-safe silicone, clean toys thoroughly, and if sharing, consider condoms on toys for hygiene.

The Queer Erotic Superpower

Here’s the truth: lesbian fantasies about “having a dick” are not contradictions — they’re testaments to our ability to create sex on our own terms.

When you pick up a strap, when you imagine yourself in a role, when you embody something not physically “yours” — you’re expanding what it means to be a sexual being outside the straight gaze.

And that? That’s queer superpower.

So the next time you’re strapping up, imagining, or watching porn through your own projected lens, remember: you’re not weird, you’re not less of a lesbian. You’re simply exploring the endless erotic canvas that belongs to us.