So... Your Girlfriend Wants to Try a Strap On?

Okay. Deep breath.

When my girlfriend first looked at me across the kitchen table, chewing the inside of her lip nervously, and said, “Babe… what would you think about trying a strap on?” — my stomach flipped. Not in a bad way — in a this is big and kind of sexy and also what does this mean?! kind of way.

So if you’re in this moment now — feeling excited, curious, unsure, or maybe all of the above — I want you to know you're not alone. In fact, I recently read a Reddit thread full of queer women navigating the same question: “What does it feel like to use a strap on?” And the responses were honest, funny, heartfelt, and so validating.

Real Talk from Our Community

Here are some of the best takeaways from real lesbians sharing their first-time strap on thoughts:

“It’s not a penis. It’s a tool.”

Many lesbians said they didn’t overthink it—it just feels good, and isn’t tied to heteronormative expectations. It’s a tool you strap to a girl, designed for pleasure, exploration, and play. For some of us, especially if we’ve been triggered by past experiences with cis men, that distinction is really important. As one queer put it:

“I don’t associate it with heteronormativity. It’s just part of our toolbox.”

“Start with a non-realistic dildo.”

This was one of the most upvoted pieces of advice. A lot of us in the lesbian community prefer dildos that don’t resemble a penis. Think soft curves, fun colors (hello, Crassie pink ), and shapes that feel intentional — not anatomical. It's all about reclaiming pleasure on our own terms.

“You might not love it right away — and that’s okay.”

Some couples found it awkward or nerve-wracking the first time. That’s totally normal. The magic comes in the learning, laughing, adjusting, and showing up for each other. Communication is everything. As one user said:

“It didn’t go perfectly the first time, but we figured it out — and now it’s our favorite thing.”

 A Beginner’s Guide to Trying a Strap On

If you’re thinking about trying strap-on play, here are some gentle tips from me :

1. Start with the Right Vibes (Not those vibes… yet)

Talk to each other first. What turns you on about the idea? What makes you nervous? You don't have to have all the answers, but laying that emotional groundwork builds trust.

2. Choose Your Strap On with Care

For beginners, I recommend:

• Adjustable Strap On Harnesses (comfy, secure, fit all body types)

• Dual Density Dildos (soft on the outside, firm inside, more realistic in movement, not appearance)

• Vibrating Strap Ons (like Crassie’s Viva) for extra stimulation during play

And go for non-realistic designs — they’re usually more comfortable emotionally and physically for new users.

3. Go Slow, Use Lube, and Talk Constantly

• Go sloooow. This isn’t porn.

• Use way more lube than you think you need.

• Keep checking in: “Does that feel okay?”, “Wanna try a different angle?”

4. Laugh, Adjust, Try Again

The first time might be clumsy. You might not love it. That’s normal! Think of it as a team sport. You’re learning each other’s rhythms. Every attempt builds confidence and connection.

 Why It’s Worth Exploring

Strap on sex is more than just penetration — it’s about dominance, intimacy, connection, and mutual satisfaction. Some women love the control of wearing it; others melt into receiving. And some, like me, love switching it up. You don’t need to be one thing forever.

What matters is that you’re in it together. No pressure. No rules. Just possibilities.

Tools to Get You Started

Here are some beginner-friendly lesbian sex toys from Crassie — created by queer women (me!) for queer women:

• Crassie Dual Density Dildo – soft, firm, bendy, and beginner-sized

• Adjustable Harness – secure, size-inclusive, no slipping mid-thrust

• SnugHer Boxer Harness – comfy AF, with double-layer support (no more wobble)

• Viva Vibrating Strap On – built-in bullet, clit stimulation, and magnetic charging

• Crassie Strap On Kit – get things in one easy bundle (dildo + harness + vibes)

All of our products are made with body-safe, platinum silicone, because your body deserves the best.

 You Don’t Have to Use a Strap On

Seriously. Some of us love hands, mouths, vibes. Some prefer being touched but not touching. Some love the full kit. There’s no correct way to have lesbian sex.

But if your girlfriend brings up trying a strap on? Talk about it. Be curious. Maybe try it — or not. The only rule is: do what feels good for you both.

Strap on sex doesn’t define your queerness. Your love, your pleasure, your connection — that’s what matters.

And if you're curious, come explore more with us at Crassie.com. We’ve got you.